waiting to exhale.

SO MANY SAY I INSPIRE THEM. NOW IF ONLY I COULD INSPIRE MYSELF.

everything im not makes me everything i am.

I'll never be picture-perfect Beyonce,
Fly like J-Lo,

or singing baby like Shanti...

I barely comb my hair, & yeah..

That's on a good day

I don't care what the hood say

I ain't street like Keyshia

Aint never tried to be

I got soul in my soul

But not quite like Mary

Ain't nothing really R&B about me

But I got knowledge if you really want to talk about it

I don't fit in boxes, but i walk around them
I got too much "I DONT GIVE A WHAT" in my cup

But I'm not apologetic;
cuz if you don't like me...

Its probably 'cause you don't get it

whitney said she was every woman;

I AM THE EPITOME OF A WOMAN.

 it's ALL in me.
anything you want done baby, i'll do it naturally.

ghetto supastar,

    THAT IS WHAT YOU ARE. 

    RUN AWAY WITH ME. TO ANOTHER PLACE.

WE CAN RELY ON EACH OTHER.

FROM ONE CORNER TO ANOTHER.

you muggin me, im muggin back.

unconditional love

somewhere along this road,

       she lost her soul to a man.

      
                                                                             now she's heartless.

just when i thought i was over it,

you.

you do not need to be loved, not at the cost of yourself. the single relationship that is truly central and crucial in a life is the relationship to the self. of all the people you will know in a lifetime, you are the only one you will never lose.- jo courdert

Every woman has a purpose. Nothin happens by chance. This is your life here in your hands. U gotta fight to take the stand. And I know u might not see it, but the high can fall so fast. When your in first, don’t forget the last. U gotta give it all u have. Life can be forgiving. But im fighting to keep on living.

When someone shows u who they are, believe them. Often times, we meet ppl and we think they are so wonderful and then down the line..it almost seems like they’ve changed into a completely different person. But in actuality, they still are the same person they were when u met them. You were just too blond to see it. Please, when people show you who they are, don’t hesitate to believe them. Don’t fool yourself into thinking you can change them either, bc in essence…you cant. You will never be able to. As imperfect humans, we only have the power to inspire others but the only ppl we can change are ourselves. I spent most of my life in relationships trying to change ppl and all it has done is change me in the end. I thought somehow in some way by me doin certain things, sacrificing myself in various ways that that would motivate the person or trigger some sort of lightbulb in their heads to make them change their ways or behavior. I thought my example or actions would be strong enough to move them. But it is an ancient old fact that you cannot change ppl unless they want to be changed. No matter what you do.

sadly mistaken

i dont miss you,
i miss who i thought you were.

On to the Next One

Sometime progression may require falling back.

Start Living

Everyone has a to do list.
Its time u start checkin off
things & seeing what you’ve missed.

finish line

no matter where u go in life,
be sure to meet yourself there :)

its ok to cry sometime

carm, i had to steal this one. thanks :)

"Happiness doesn't last forever and nethier does sadness. Sometime you just have to take one for the collective team. It's your moment to be sad and a moment is all it is." We all will experience things in life that are going to make us sad. Thats okay! Sadness is an emotion! It doesn't make u weak, it doesnt make you any less of a person! It makes u human! Just know that after every sad moment, lies a happy one.and vice versa. its just the circle of life. it is our job to embrace it.

look up lex, say cheese

After all ive been through, i must say i have to got to have something great in store for me. ive been empty for too long. i must have some happiness in store for me because i've been sad for too long. i must have a higher position waiting to be fulfilled because ive never felt this low before. I guess the good thing about being down is that there is nowhere else to go but up. Things can only get better because the worst has already occurred.

almost famous

im not lost, just undiscovered.
cant wait to find & fall in love with the woman i am destined to be.

we shall overcome

when the power of love
overcomes the love of power,
that's when the world will know peace.

chatterbox

i know i talk alot of $h!#
but i really dont mean it.
                                                                   forgive me, please.

The Scene of LOVE

Him: Would you just stay with me?

Her: Stay with you, what for? Look at us, we're already fighting!


Him: Well, that’s what we do. We fight! U tell me when I’m being an arrogant son of a b***h and I tell you when youre being a pain in the a**. Which you are!! 99% of the time. I’m not afraid to hurt your feelings! U have like a 2 second rebound rate and youre back doing the next pain in the a** thing!


Her: So what?


Him: So, its not gonna be easy! Its gonna be really hard! And were gonna have to work at this everyday but I wanna do that because I want you! I want all of you forever. You and me. Everyday.


[WHEN YOU FIND SOMEONE WHO FEELS THIS WAY, NEVER LET THEM GO!]

My Notebook

My Dearest _________,

I couldn’t sleep last night because I know that its over between us. I’m not bitter anymore because I know that what we had was real. And if in some distant place in the future, we see ea other in our new lives, I’ll smile at you with joy and ill remember how we spent a summer beneath the trees, learning from one another. And growing in love. The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, the kind that plants a fire in our hearts, and brings peace to our minds. And that’s what you’ve given me. That’s what I hope to have given u forever.

VIP

im having a private party,
aint nobody here but me,
my angels, and my guitar
singing "Baby look how
far we've come!"
im having a private party,
learning how to love me,
celebrating the woman
ive become.

ballet pointe shoe
meets combat boot.
Justifiably placed
inside a stiletto’s box.
Who but me?

call me crazy

I think if you asked any of the ppl ive encountered or dealt with in my life whether or not im crazy, im sure 99% of them would probably say yeah. I guess they feel that way bc of the things I do, things I’ve done, things I say, etc. (well apparently) and I’ve always actually hated the fact that ppl say that..bc while some of them mean it in a good way, a lot of ppl mean it in a bad way too. but the thing is, ive realized im not crazy. (im actually very sane, probably more sane than 50% of ppl you know, maybe that’s why ppl think im crazy bc I act so much more differently than the avg human being) but at any rate, I honestly figured out that I am just solely metaphoric, volatile &  ever changing, independent minded, analytical, fierce, honest, super passionate, incredibly expressive, intense, complicated, & superbly rare!! Being a lot of those ways can cause actions that are not likely to be carried by the regular girl, hence being characterized as “crazy”...but I mean, if all those things makes me crazy, I guess crazy will just have to do.

tunnel vision

yeah, i know that it’s a wonderful world but I cant feel it right now. I thought that I was doing well but I just wanna cry now. I know that it’s a wonderful world from the sky down to the sea, but I can only see when you’re here with me.

ex boyfriend

ex boyfriend, ex boyfriend, called yourself my boyfriend. Said we’d be together ‘til the world end. Ex boyfriend ex boyfriend, wish I knew you was a liar. could’ve changed everything that happened prior. ex boyfriend ex boyfriend, I cant effin stand you. wish I had the courage to do everything I planned to. ex boyfriend ex boyfriend, suddenly u changed on me. funnily, I couldn’t change a thing. ex boyfriend ex boyfriend, turns out u set me free. literally. ex boyfriend ex boyfriend, im so good now. got u lookin like the fool now.

last request

if tonight was my last,
id want to spend it with you.

talk to strangers.

its funny. as children, our parents always stressed to us the importance of not talking to strangers. however, it seems as if people today still carry on this behavior and adhere to this rule, even as adults. traveling on public transportation in the ill streets of nyc for instance, you really see this more and more. you get on the train, sit down, look at the person next to you... silence. look at the person across from you, silence. not even a hello. not even a crack of a smile. perhaps a dirty look instead. 

its actually pretty sad when you think about it. are we so consumed in our own lives, so careless for the next person that we cant even say hello, we cant even extend a simple smile? or ask them how theyre doing and strike a conversation? i mean, it only takes a minute. if that. granted, some us may not be a "people" person but we, as people need to become more acquainted with one another. more kinder. friendlier. instead of so offstandish and rude. i know our parents taught us not to talk to strangers but they also taught us manners and the simple fact that giving is more better than receiving. giving acknowledgement to a stranger just may be the start of a new world. think about it.

View the struggles
you go through
as a test, not a final.

learn something new

hey instead of flipping on the tv to watch those dumb broads fight on FOR THE LOVE OF RAY J, before  getting on the computer to see what so & so's new status is on Facebook/Twitter or jumping on MEDIA TAKEOUT to look at pix of  Amber Rose & Kanye taking a stroll in the park, how about you go learn something new?

you heard me. something new. as in opposite of old.

whether its knowledge or a skill, try actually taking time out of your LAZY schedule to learn something you do not already know. it may not change your life (or who knows, maybe it will) but one things for sure, it will give you some extra insight, educate you, and allow to have some helpful knowledge to add to your brain that just maybe able to assist you one day.

i know for me, ive always wanted to know the process of building tunnels/bridges/highways, how to make lipgloss, what makes us sneeze, where did the idea of Santa Clause come from, who named each State in the US, why Indian women wear nose rings or bendis, what causes tourrette's syndrome, where babies came from (lmao, ok ok im just kidding)...but you know, trivial things like that. Like i said, i know some things may not change your life, but who knows the next time you might have to be someone's lifeline WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE? & honestly, some of these things really may be interesting to learn about.

On another note, some things that may be helpful to learn are how to make your own earrings. or sew your own shirt. or how to build a chair. or how to make your own paint. or how to create your own website. or how to make alcoholic drinks. these type of things can save you money or even make you money!!! its all up to you. there are tons of things to learn in the world, all you have to do is use your imagination!! and have the desire to learn!

i know i sound like some kind of barney infomercial or something, but seriously... learning new things is what life is all about! It has been said that the true meaning of education is to discipline rather than to furnish the mind; to train it to the use of its own powers, rather than fill it with the accumulation of others. There is no end to education. It is not that you read a book, pass an examination, and finish with education. The whole of life, from the moment you are born to the moment you die, is a process of learning.

contagiousity (is that even a word?)

everyone knows germs are contagious, but did u ever realize that when you hear someone singing a song (or you may hear a song on the radio), you automatically start to sing along with the person singing. with no hesitation. you just do it. or what about when u see someone yawn, you yawn too. and chances are, even if you see someone lick their lips, you will too. we do all these things so easily and quite involuntarily. it just happens without us even giving thought to it. its actually pretty funny, contagiousity is all around us. but it seems as if some things that should be contagious, really arent! so heres a thought... why not add smiling to the list? or a hint of love in the form of a kind guesture. you know,  it just may make someone's day, or even their life. i mean, singing is fine and yawning is cool, but lets try making something that is significantly worthwhile contagious.

your job:

dont worry about
who i used to be.
just help me stay
focused on who
i'm trying to be.

THIS JUST IN!

ATTN:

The Center for Disease Control has issued a medical alert about a highly contagious, potentially dangerous virus that is transmitted by hand, and even electronically. This virus is called Weekly Overload Recreational Killer (WORK). If u receive WORK from your boss, your colleagues, parents, friends, or anyone else via any means whatsoever - DO NOT TOUCH IT!!!


This virus will wipe out ur private life entirely. If u should come into contact with WORK u should immediately leave the premises of your location. Take two good friends to the nearest liquor store and purchase one or both of the antidotes - Work Isolating Neutralizer Extract (WINE) and Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter (BEER).

Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system. You should immediately forward this medical alert to five friends. If u do not have five friends, u have already been infected and WORK is controlling ur life! GOOD DAY & Good Health to ALL! LMFAOOOOO!!!!

amaze me, blaze me, phase me, gaze me, daze me, date me, mate me, appreciate me, captivate me, crave me, fave me, trace me, lace me, bathe me, wake me, drake me, take me, but please don’t ever vacate me.

denial.

"you can deny truth for
as long as you want to,
but at the end of the day,
when you lay, it will still
rest in your chest, and
haunt you until you
allow it to flaunt you." - A
                        

count on me.

you know, i know i have my flaws and all, sure i may run my mouth and stomp my feet once in awhile... but i mean, we all lack impeccability, we all have things to work on. but one things for sure, above all, i know the 5 things i will never lack flexibility in, 5 things i will never waver in, 5 things you can always and forever count on me to give are: loyalty, generosity, sincerity, authenticity, and creativity.

not too many people can say that. honestly. not too many people even know how to do it, let alone say it. ppl say they hate disloyalty, yet they will turn their backs on the one they love the minute shh hits the fan. ppl say they are generous, but they think of themselves before anyone else. ppl say they mean well, but they dont help you do well. ppl say they are authentic, but will lie right to your face, thru their yellow teeth. ppl claim they are creative, so why do you all look the same?  its sad, i really wish more ppl werent that way. but i guess its just the way some are built.

as for me, i dont know how to be anyway else. or give anything less. its just in me. its a specialty that flows from my heart, mind, and body and carried out through everything i do, everything i say in everyday of my life. even if i make a million mistakes, change a million times, you can always know me to give those 5 things and never leave them behind. ppl may talk and they may have their opinions of me, and thats fine...but even the biggest hater can never deny me of those gifts, nor can anyone ever take them away from me.

yo te quiero laughing :)

(in Wendy Williames voice)

    how you doin?

can you hear me now? i think i lost service.

is it me or does the world seem different today? it seems as if people have forgotten that we were meant to live for so much more. freedom has taken over. no one cares about anything anymore. no one but themselves. and really, it seems like we dont even have that. i mean, really.. have we lost ourselves? have we lost control? have we lost service? maybe its time for an evaluation. maybe a reconnection. just maybe, a change. - inspired by Switchfoot

listen, you dont have to cut every throat to get what you want. life is not an operating room. learn to pick your battles. with a meek spirit, you can still demand respect. and with a calm approach, you can still move mountains.

internal battles.

                                                    who i am now

         

                                                                  

          IS CONSTANTLY BATTLING AGAINST

                 WHO I USED TO BE & FIGHTING TO GET

               TO WHERE I WANT TO BE...

             

BUT AT THE END OF THE DAY,

 I WILL ONLY BALANCE OUT TO BE

WHAT I AM DESTINED TO BE.

weakling.

when you left, so did my motivation.

3 PPL

In life, you will have to interact with 3 very different kinds of influential people : Yesterday, Today, & Tomorrow. In order to succeed in life, you will have to do a favor for each of them. Forgive Yesterday, Love Today, & Pray for Tomorrow. They all need you and you need them.

REVENGE 101

Dear Future Boyfriend, 

i suggest you dont ever try me. you will end up in the same canoe as steven. with no paddle, at that.

Love, Alexyz 

a simple wish from me to you.

May there be peace within. May happiness overwhelm you.May you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith in yourself and others. May you use the gifts that you have received and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content with yourself just the way you are. Let the knowledge settle into your bones and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise, and love.

tables turn. heartburn.

oh, now im the best you ever had
after u threw me out like a garbage bag.
now you want me to be your wife
after you tried to destroy my life.
wanna sing me songs,
after you did me wrong?
ha.
you can miss me with all that.
only dissed me to crawl back.
Nice going, boo. Nice knowing you.

i wish.

I wish I could change
I wish I could stop
Sayin the same old things
I wish I could be
Who i want me 2 be
I wish I could stop
Being the same old me
I wish I could lose
All of my blues
I wish I could stop
Puttin my blues on u
I wish I could love
Like nobody loves
I wish that my goods
Outweighed my bads enough

The World's Irony

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider freeways but narrower viewpoints. We spend more but have less, buy more but enjoy less, get bigger houses but have smaller families.More conveniences but less time, obtain more degrees but have less common sense. Have more knowledge but less judgement. There are more experts, yet more problems...More medicine and still less well people. There is ONE simple solution to all this...keep it simple for now! Do your all to see that you make it into the new system..where life won't be measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away! - N. Chin

you & i must make a pact.
we must bring elation back.
where there is love, will u be there?

mirror, mirror

today, i looked in the mirror and i

stopped & stared.

i looked into my eyes and realized

i  been moving but i

still haven't gotten anywhere.

yeah I know that life isn't fair,

But after a crazy year,

I've become what I can't be.

Change must come.

Bob? No, its Adversity the Builder

Like a carpenter building a house,
        
     Like an artist building a masterpiece,
                             
                Like a couple building a family,
                                              
                        Adversity builds character.

Thank You

To Whom It May Concern:

Thank you for the break-up & the break down. It prepared me for my Break Through and my Break Out. & Nowadays, i eat biatches for Breakfast.

IDIOTS ARE AMONG US!!

JUST A THOUGHT. EVER WONDER...

Why do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.


Why do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

 Why do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

Why do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

 Why do we buy hot dogs in packages of twelve and buns in packages of eight.

Why do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin ?

 Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why you never see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

 Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?

 Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice'?

 Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

 Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

 Why Noah didn't swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

 You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

 If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

i love my big ego

ego trippin.


I was born in the congo
I walked to the fertile crescent and built the sphinx
I designed a pyramid so tough that a star that only glows every one hundred years falls into the center giving divine perfect light.


I am bad.
I sat on the throne drinking nectar with allah
I got hot and sent an ice age to europe to cool my thirst
My oldest daughter is nefertiti the tears from my birth pains created the Nile.


I am a beautiful woman.
I gazed on the forest and burned out the Sahara Desert with a packet of goat's meat and a change of clothes. I crossed it in two hours.

I am a gazelle so swift.
so swift you can't catch me
For a birthday present when he was three, I gave my son hannibal an elephant.
He gave me rome for mother's day


My strength flows ever on
My son noah built new/ark and I stood proudly at the helm as we sailed on a soft summer day.


I turned myself into myself and was Jesus
Men intone my loving name .
All praises All praises


I am the one who would save
I sowed diamonds in my back yard
My bowels deliver uranium
The filings from my fingernails are semi-precious jewels.


On a trip north, I caught a cold and blew
My nose giving oil to the arab world.


I am so hip even my errors are correct
I sailed west to reach east and had to round off the earth as I went
The hair from my head thinned and gold was laid across three continents.


I am so perfect so divine so ethereal so surreal
I cannot be comprehended except by my permission

If u did not know my now,
I am fly.
I can fly like a bird in the sky.

Time Heals Wounds

THE BEST ANALYZATION OF PAIN EVER:

When you think of the phases of pain, its kind of interesting. How one minute you're not sure how you'll make it through the day, to not wanting days to end and night to creep up signifying the end of another. But you know, as wack and cliche as it sounds- Time heals wounds. Real talk, it does. I'm living proof. Unbeknowst so some, just some months ago, because of some things I was going through, i felt like i could die. I was hurting so bad that i barely cared to make it to another day. But as time went by, i felt myself being rebuilt, being healed more and more. And now, although the pain is not completely gone...i feel completely different than i once was.

Therfore, time does heal wounds. It sounds like such bs when you hear it, when you're in the midst of pain, but that simple thing- TIME is all you need to move forward. Each minute that tics away at the clock, each hour, each sunrise and sunset gets you closer to the end of pain. That empty feeling in the center of your stomach becomes filled with something in time.

Slowly, slowly, slowly, empty turns to satisfied until finally you're full again. It's the evolution of pain, to see yourself change at it's different phases is really amazing if you pay attention. I remember every moment, remember so I never go back, so that I know where I've come in the journey so as not to make a return trip.

For some it's the lesson they've learned in the event that helps make the decision to never make the same mistake twice. For me it's the pain, it's the never wanting to feel that empty again, the helplessness of it all, the not feeling in control, the waiting for bs time to work it's magic.

Fear is just as powerful as pain, it stops you mid action, forces you in some cases to be better and others worse than what you were. Fear keeps me on track, fear of failure, fear of not growing, fear of disappointing people, of regret, it keeps me on the straight and narrow. Fear manifests itself in different ways, self destructive ways for some, for me it's a motivator. It's as real as my mother's disappointment in me, as real as pain, it's my comfort.



Regret and wasted time are the two biggest things I fear, how unhappy would I be if I'm 40 and I look back at my life and say "I wish I knew then what I know now, wish I appreciated that time when it was present and didn't waste time on things outside of my control." You can't go back! That should be enough to put fire under anyones tale. You can't redo life, or words said in anger, or time spent not loving yourself and everyone around you, you can't go back! Live each moment like it's your last (another bs statement) but it's so true! Who the hell made up these aphorisms anyway??? I need to meet him/her cause they have life figured the freak out! I imagine them in blissful happiness, with love and friendship and wealth the world over! I bet it was Oprah's bighead! lol - Joy

Utopia

How many of you think utopia is attainable right now?

Is there really a place where happiness exudes from your pores and you are left wanting nothing? Can they be ever? I don’t mean complacency either, but true contentment… where your positive energy elevates you to a place where the air is thin and the lack of oxygen gets you high on life. I mean that would be great, wouldn’t. But then again, come to think of it…

Does having it all necessarily mean finally being happy??

I’m a woman and generally, women are never satisfied. Come to think of it, people as a whole are never satisfied. We work and work and work to reach certain goals, to get certain things, to get to certain places in our lives, to attain certain power. But then what? I mean, I know the work will never stop, because life after all is a constant struggle. But where does the true happiness and contentment come in at? I guess my real question is, when do u know when to stop pushing yourself for a brighter tomorrow and start enjoying the sunshine today? When will today be your utopia?

A Beautiful Day

Life is a journey,
Not a destination,
There are no mistakes,
Just chances we’ve taken
Lay down your regrets cause all we have is now


Life is a challenge not a competition
You can still smell the roses and be on a mission
Just take a moment to get in touch with your heart
Sometimes you feel like you’ve got something to prove
Remind yourself that there’s only one you
Just take a moment to give thanks of who you are


Wake up in the morning
And get out of bed
Start making a mental list in my head
Of all of the things that you are grateful for


Early in the morning
It’s the dawn of a new day
New hopes, new dreams, new ways
I open up my eyes ,
I open up my mind ,
I wonder how life will surprise me today .
I open up my heart and
I’m gon’ do my part and
Make this a positively beautiful day.

Stop Being Greedy, Give to the Needy

A man was having a conversation with God one day and said, 'Jehovah, I would like to know what the difference is between The Light of your Truth and The Darkness of Satan? '


Jehovah led the man to two doors. He opened one of the doors and the man looked in. In the middle of the room was a large round table. In the middle of the table was a large pot of stew, which smelled delicious and made the man's mouth water.

The people sitting around the table were thin and sickly. They appeared to be famished. They were holding spoons with very long handles that were strapped to their arms and each found it possible to reach into the pot of stew and take a spoonful.

But because the handle was longer than their arms, they could not get the spoons back into their mouths. The man shuddered at the sight of their misery and suffering.

Jehovah said, 'You have seen The Darkness.'

They went to the next room and opened the door. It was exactly the same as the first one.

There was the large round table with the large pot of stew which made the man's mouth water. The people were equipped with the same long-handled spoons, but here the people were well nourished and plump, laughing and talking.

The man said, 'I don't understand.'

It is simple,' said Jehovah. 'It requires but one skill. You see they have
learned to feed each other, while the greedy think only of themselves.'

Our Hearts, Our Goodness

Ppl spend their whole lives building these intricate sandcastles. Only to let that one wrong person come and blow it away. U can give someone your whole heart. And within an instant, they take it from you, pretend to love it, play with it like a toy, then decide one day they don’t even want it anymore. They don’t know how to return the love you’ve shown and give your heart back to you, so they run away with it. far away. All the while you are dying, barely breathing and sleeping because you’ve lost your heart. Then when u do find it along the dirt road the person you gave it to dropped it on, you see it just layin there shattered in pieces. Now youre left to mend it back together all by yourself. Moral of the story: This is why before giving anyone ANYthing, esp our hearts..we have to make sure they are worthy of receiving. Bc our hearts are a gift. Not only to us, but to the world.

Just Try

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse
And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?
And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Sometimes I Wonder,

Why my heart is so big.
If God made someone out there specifically for me.

Why the sky is blue and not pink?

Who would I be if I had different parents?

Why the sun is different in places like Africa and Jamaica than it is in America

How some ppl make it without Jehovah in their lives.

Why gummi worms are so good.

How my life would be without music.

What ppl would do without television.

If we could ever run out of water.

What my first child will look like and how he/she will act

If there truly are a such thing as soul mates

Why people are so ignorant to obvious truths

If Asian people think other cultures all look the same way we think they do.
Why do people do bad things to those they love?

Why men are not prone to love the way women are?

What Will Smith is doing right now?

If people recognize that there is only one true religion

Where did the idea of aliens ever come about?

Ppl will still remember me 20 yrs later after im gone

What ppl will say about me after im dead

What Beyonce is feeling right now

How mirrors are made

How many of you are reading this right now lol

How many people know the true meaning behind the Wizard of Oz?

What do u wonder about??

Does practice makes perfect?

When I was a kid, I practiced kid stuff like Aaliyah dance routines & how to do card tricks. But now that I’m an adult, I practice honor. Yeah, its a noun but you gotta practice it like its a verb. Along with honor comes loyalty and integrity. For some, its easy… for others, its not. You just gotta figure out where you fit on the number scale and try to slide your bar as far to the right as possible. I mean those are the main ingredients to being a stand-up human being, accept no substitutions. If nothing else, take that ish serious, and see how far you go. I mean not that life is measured by how far got, or what you achieved, or what goals you have reached, its not so much in how you did it either. Its more how comfortable are you with what you did. U know? If one person grew up to be an entrepreneur and is rubbing shoulders with Donald Trump yet isn't comfortable with the things he did to get there, i.e. back-stabbin, lying, betrayal all that ill ish, and then you got another dude who rents an ice cream truck and sells bomb firecrackers in the summer and is mad comfortable with his life and everything he's done cuz he always been a stand-up human being then who won that one? I mean, honestly. Cuz no matter what, you cant buy yourself mental comfort can you? If so, holla at me!

feeling down.

I read this post on someone else's blog and it really captured me. Perhaps it will do the same for you.


Feeling down. Does anyone know what that may feel like? It’s like you buy a new outfit for a special date, just for your boyfriend to tell you the outfit is ugly. Except the thing is, you feel like that everyday. It’s almost as if you’re depressed. If you don’t feel good about yourself, it’s hard to feel good about anything or anyone else. You see everything with a bad eye. You miss the value and worth of every experience. You limit yourself because you don’t feel good about who you are or what you do. You hold yourself back because you don’t believe what you want is worthwhile. You put yourself in situations that are either compromising, abusive or unproductive. You feel bad about yourself because of what you’ve done and things that have happened.


The only way to get out of the cycle is to allow yourself to believe the world is waiting for who you are becoming.

Age doesn’t play a factor. Nor does education. What you need to do is surround yourself with people that appreciate you & will welcome you simply for being who you are and not what they want you to be. Complaining about it isn’t going to make it any better. Do something about it. Life is about movement. Life is going to be a challenge. There will be rough times, difficult situations, major obstacles and forks in the road that will distract you from reaching your destination. But you have to keep it moving. -Chanel

"Oh, word?"

What I am able to express can probably truly only be appreciated by a fellow writer. Or perhaps a fellow lover. Or perhaps someone who is not even my fellow. Either way it is just a simple expression of my feelings, that is all.


Some people are in love with other people. Some are in love with things. Others are in love with places. I, for one am in love with ideas. I am especially in love w/ the idea of words. The idea of forming them together to create, translate, and communicate. beautiful meanings is absolutely incredible to me.


Im in love with words and everything they stand for. everything behind, beside, between, and inside of them. Im in love with writing them, reading them, and most importantly applying them. If u did not not know, words can change your life. They can inspire. set u on fire. Uplift. Shift. Move. Soothe. Motivate and captivate your mind, body, and soul.


Words carry wisdom. They behold strength. And above all, they transmit power.


When I see certain words, I am elevated. When I hear certain words, I become empowered. When I write words, I feel amazing! I feel invincible. Like I can do anything. i feel free. Like I can fly anywhere my wings care to take me. I feel good inside. Like I am on cloud 9!


If you don’t believe, test them please. The power of words are incredible. Sincerely immeasurable.

I know this may be beyond comprehension for some, but that’s all right, son. U don’t have to understand my words, but please don’t neglect to respect them.

Your Purpose

Energy comes from having a purpose. Creativity flows from having a purpose.



When you are clear about why, you will figure out how. Success is a function of the sincerity of the mission.


Without a meaningful purpose, action leads to disappointment and frustration. Yet when focused upon a compelling reason, action always results in achievement. Within you are real, authentic reasons why. Within those reasons you'll find great treasure.


No one can separate you from your purpose. Nothing can take the power of that purpose away from you.
Let your thoughts, your words, your perspective and your actions come from your purpose. With your life, you'll achieve many great things. Act on who you are.When in doubt about what to do, chose the kindest option. When you're not sure about how much to give of yourself, err on the side of generosity.


When you feel the urge to do something nice for someone else, don't make excuses for why you can't. Just go ahead and make it happen.Give your attention to your thoughts. And at the same time, pay heed to the intelligence within you that transcends those thoughts.Without hesitation, go with what you know is right. Act on that little voice that may sound crazy but that feels so true.Everything you've ever experienced is embedded in your wisdom. Though you cannot consciously remember it all, you can still allow it all to guide you.


Have the confidence to act on who you are and what you know, even if you sometimes cannot explain why. Authenticity is always the best choice.


To gain prosperity, you have to Wake up, open your eyes and look around you. Opportunity is everywhere. There is plenty of work to be done. And there are all sorts of effective, fulfilling ways to do it. The world is alive with all kinds of challenges. Pick a particularly difficult and meaningful one, creatively work your way through it, and bring new prosperity to yourself and others.


Jump into the real-life adventure that sparkles beneath the rising sun each morning. A new day filled with richness is ready to be lived. Fortune favors those who choose to see it coming. Prosperity belongs to those who work to bring it to life. Report for duty in the service of your highest vision. This is when life gets good.
 What you truly value, you find a way to make more abundant. That's why it is so critically important to celebrate the unique beauty of who you are. That's why being thankful for every little thing will create a life that's overflowing with abundance.


Living by pretense is not really living. The real person inside is eager to bring to life the very best of everything that means anything to you. Instead of trying to fit in, seek to fill out the best of your possibilities. Instead of wondering how little effort you can get by with, discover how much unique value you can create.


Every opportunity you act upon creates even more and bigger and better opportunities. The more focus and diligence and persistence and commitment you put into life, the more outstanding it becomes. The best-paying job you can ever have is the job of being the real you. Know what you must do and do it, and life is rich indeed.

100 Conclusions

As i close my 22nd year of life & approach my 23rd, Ive honestly drawn to the conclusion that…
1.There is truly NO one in this world like me.
2. Instead of telling them how I feel to their face, ppl would rather me talk behind their back.
3.Things are never how they seem.
4. My life repeats the same cycles.
5. Its time to BREAK the cycles.
6. The ppl who don’t like me don’t understand me.
7. When ppl don’t understand you, you have to cut them off because of their profound lack of ignorance.
8. Bad posture comes from lack of exercise.
9. Some ppl hype themselves up to be more than they are.
10. If you hype yourself up enough, ppl will be dumb enough to feed into it.
11. I have ADD.
12. Everyone is not your friend.
13. In fact, no one is your friend.
14. You and God will be the only TRUE friends you will ever have.
15. Some of the ugliest ppl have the best personalities.
16. probably will not get married in this lifetime.
17. I am now officially like the female 50cent as far as social skills go…
18. All you have to do is appear on a reality show your INSTANTLY famous.
19. If your parents have money and your pretty, that makes you famous too!
20. The more things change, the more they stay the same.
21. The only ppl who will EVER truly love u are your parents.
22. All people really care about is themselves.
23. I have never dealt with any of the issues and problems ive had in my life, ive always just kinda adapted to them.
24. The above thing needs to change.
25. It really doesn’t matter what people call you as long as YOU know your name.
26. The term “friend” is not a noun, it is a verb.
27. Ppl do NOT like the truth. And they hate being confronted with it.
28. Fame is a sad story with a glamorous cover.
29. Tv is one big gimmick wrapped up in a black box.
30. U have to BE what you want.
31. Best friends are so OVER-rated.
32. Im a good girl with a good heart and good intentions, but sometimes my actions make it hard to see that.
33. I can count the num of people who I know will truly stay in my heart forever.
34. U are capable of being whatever you want as long as YOU apply yourself.
35. Ppl may not judge you so much if you don’t give them things to judge.
36. Things I have been thru have affected my mindset.
37. About half of this world lacks common sense.
38. The other half are all hypocrites.
39. People allow themselves to be blinded. (ie. by love, religion, money, fame)
40. The only person you can EVER depend on for things to get done is YOU.
41.Technology has disrupted, interrupted, & corrupted the process of pure communication today.
42.There will certain ppl that stop your heart, but it takes a special person to make it beat again.
43. When you lack substance, structure, stability, and morals… you lack everything.
44. Experience is a good teacher, but teachers can make good murderers bc u never expect it coming from them.
45. People are just like SIMS characters.
46. You cant find love, it finds you.
47. There are three kinds of ppl: Thinkers, Doers, and Doinkers. (Doinkers are ppl who think about things AND do them.)
49. Its best to be a Doinker.
50. There is a severe underlying factor behind every person who is homosexual.
51. Everything that a person sings about, they don’t always believe.
52. Ive always been drawn to men who need to be changed, not men who have already changed.
53. You should never settle for someone u “wish WAS…”, but for someone who IS.
54. It’s nice to take chances but its better to prevent heartache and preserve life.
55. Everyone needs someONE to motivate them and care about them.
56. For one reason or another, Ive ALWAYS felt obligated to be that someone.
57. I have to get that idea out of my head.
58. You really are what you eat.
59. We waste more time than we use.
60. We are all works in progress.
61. You cannot progress without work.
62. Animals are really more amazing than humans. Esp dolphins.
63. f you are incomplete with yourself, everything else in your life will be too.
64. Originality is scarce.
65.Ppl really are products of their environment.
66.Ppl really are products of their environment, but they CAN change their productivity if they really want to.
67.You can’t make something work that it not meant to be.
68.Life is a journey, not a destination.
69.Spending time with your family, sitting down and reading a book, having meaningful conversations, and taking long walks will never get old or played out.
70. Partying and bsing… all your life will.
71. There is more fake than there is real.
72.I am a dreamer with a realist’s point of view.
73. My life is like a revolving door.
74. The only time ppl will listen is when its too late.
75. All people really want to do is be understood, loved and happy. They just go about it in all the wrong ways.
76. I want to be a kid again.
77. Having natural hair w/o a relaxer is the BEST thing ever!
78. When one is broken is when they truly see what theyre made of.
79. People do what they want to do. Plain and simple.
80. I really should’ve been a psychologist, philosopher, .
81. The ‘golden rule’ is literally price-less nowadays.
82. This world and the ppl in it will only get WORSE until a higher being beyond MAN takes matters into His own hands.
83. That, truly will be the HAPPIEST day of my life.
84. True love is slowly becoming extinct. There are a only a few ppl who know how to display it.
85. Respect for self is unknown today.
86. When you admire yourself is when you have found true success.
87. There is a subliminal msg and deeper meaning behind EVERYTHING.
88. Sometimes ignorance IS bliss.
89.You truly do learn something everyday.
90. The love and care you show for ppl will NOT always be returned. In fact, it may never get returned.
91. All along ive been lazy in my relationships and have been settling for ppl below me so I dnt have to deal with someone keeping me on my toes.
92. When its all said & done, something’s got to give.
93. Ive dated some interesting ppl in my life.
94.People don’t change too drastically. They were exactly who they are now when u met them U were just too blind to see it.
95. NYC is thee BEST city in the world, hands down.
96. True love isn’t supposed to hurt.
97. Every reality show is fake.
98. Having babies at an early age complicates things and most people who have them say they wish they could've waited! Even though the parents love them and can't imagine life without them after they're here, they really wish they would have waited. Just watch Teen Mom.
99. Life is one BIG test.
100. You are truly a G for reading this FAR.

& If I Die Before I Wake...

Before I die..

I really want to, need to, have to, and will:


1. Write a movie, a book of poetry, and a book of motivation for the world.
2. Live in NYC and LA simultaneously.
3. Be completely happy, content, & poud with myself and my life.
4. Have a peace of mind.
5. Change someone in the world in an AMAZING way.
6. Be recognized as someone with a good and sincere heart above everything else.
7. Go to GREECE, Fiji, Hawaii, and Brazil.
8. Go scuba diving, para sailing, and water skiing.
9. Have dinner on the Empire State building or the Eiffel Tower.
10. Make a documentary video about my life, similar to Left Eye’s.
11. Have tea with Beyonce.
12. Find love like the kind in THE NOTEBOOK.
13. Get a Maltese & Yorkie mixed doggie and name him Milo.
14. Learn to play the guitar.
15. Sit on a rooftop and watch the starry sky on a summer night.
16. Visit an actual candy factory.
17. Learn ASL again and gain a circle of purely deaf friends.
18. Be a motivational speaker and mentor for young kids.
19. Learn how to cornrow and do a weave.
20. Sew my own clothes.
21. Tan in East Africa.
22. Grow my hair out to be a huge curly afro like Jill Scott. Times 10.
23. Cook an extravagant 5 course meal.
24. Have a huge mural done of me the size of a big screen tv.
25. Work at a job actually doing what I love.
26. Make fresh wine.
27. Kiss a dolphin.
28. Impact every single person in this world's life.
29. Ride an elephant.
30. Make peace with all my enemy.


      ...whats on your bucket list?