i kept banging.
    
and banging.
       
but no one would answer.


then i realized i was knocking from the inside.

There was a time when i went through something so tragic that it left me feeling so distraught. so broken. left in pieces. with no one there to help me pick them up. so weak i couldnt even pick them up. so confused i didnt even know how to gather the pieces together. i didnt know where they started or ended. whether i was coming or going. i was lost. in pain. i hurt so much to the point where i couldnt hurt anymore. i was numb. i couldnt even feel anymore. didnt want to feel anymore. didnt know how to feel anymore. it was almost like i got into an accident and was left paralyzed. my mind, my heart, and my soul was just paralyzed. so much so to the point where i could not think, feel, or do properly. so much so to the point that if someone even gave me the chance to walk again, i did not remember how to. i was pushed to a certain state of mind, stuck there for so long that when i had a chance to be happy again, i couldnt even see it... i couldnt even be it...i couldnt even feel it..i lacked the motivation to reach it, i lacked energy for life...the ability to embrace it and face it. sadness and pain was all i knew for a while. it was soooo weird. you know, alot of times ... when one door of happiness closes, another opens- but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us. but i know for myself, slowly but surely, ive been able to open my eyes again, which opened my mind and as far as im concerned, the pieces are coming together. im finding my way, finding myself. my strength has been regained and i'm starting to feel my senses again. im not flying or running yet, but i am walking. and truth be told, it feels good.

Sometimes life can back you in a corner and make you feel like odds are against you. Dont back down, but be strong and stand up to your problems. Dont lose hope, let discouragement take over you, or make you feel worthless, instead exhaust all possibilies to make things better. That is the only way you will find peace and make things even again. Sometimes life makes you feel like giving up. That is when you have to look around and see all that you still have to be thankful for.Sometimes life puts you in a place so isolated, feeling so alone like no one in the world understands. But know that there is one person who knows you more than even know yourself. The one who created you. Guaranteed He understands every thought process in your head and can follow every beat your heart projects.Sometimes u feel like life is passing you by. Like your locked in a room looking out the window just watching all the little kids outside playing and having fun. Well, that is when you need to find the key to the door, open it up, and run out there with the rest of them. Stop letting people hold you back and letting things get the best of you and enjoy life!

It can rain. and rain.

and rain some more.

but the sun gotta shine sometime.

one way or another. know that.

I know i been away, sort of MIA
But I can assure you i'm not dead

Just been trying to clear my head

In my own personal war zone

Just trying to make my way home

I've lost the use of my heart

But I'm still alive

Still looking for the life

The endless pool on the other side

I'm at the borderline of my faith,

I'm at the hinterland of my devotion

In the frontline of this battle of mine

But I'm still alive

I'm a soldier of love.

Every day and night

I'm a soldier of love

All the days of my life

I've been torn up inside

I've been left behind

But I ride

I have the will to survive

In the wild wild west,

Trying my hardest

Doing my best

To stay alive

 

I am lost

But I don't doubt

I ride

I have the will to survive